• Facebook - Grey Circle
  • Instagram - Grey Circle

Website Design by: Bridge Consulting & Design

Sail Away

01/26/2019

I remember laying there

Looking at this picture on the wall

There were two or three 

But this one, my focus had it all

It had a beautifully painted sunset

That easily flowed into a shore line

And in the middle of that dream scenery

There was a sail boat

And I found myself focusing on that picture

Wanting to be there

And it didn’t matter where it was

It was somewhere

Just Not there

I wanted to be somewhere so far

That the scene where I was wouldn’t even be large enough to paint a picture of

I tried to etch that into my mind

I tried to float away in time

But then I felt what was mine being sucked from me

And it took my breath away 

So I grabbed at the hand that held mine

As I contracted on the inside

And tried to sit up

But was told to

lay down there on your back and try to relax

it was soon over

And I took one more glimpse at that room

And I took one more glance at the sail boat

Wanting that to be my mental picture

Wanting to pretend that’s where I spent my afternoon

Wanting to think nothing of that room

And I wanted to think nothing of that day

I wanted to be on that boat sailing away

Or better yet I wanted to go home and sleep it all away 

But as I left they said, that I needed to stay awake

No don’t go home and lay in bed 

“Even though that’s what you want” they said

You keep your head up instead

And of course I did what I was told

I went home and stayed awake

And I can remember that stupid picture on the wall

But I cant even remember if I cried at all 

I became this hollow little shell 

I sank into this empty little hell

Where nothing you could do from there on out

Would hurt me or effect me I was hardened

I was numb

Emotionless, I just moved on

Not dealing with what had taken place

Not even thinking of whether I had made a mistake

I went about life like nothing ever happened

I would hear preachers talk about forgiveness

But What for?

You could call me what you want but I didn’t identify

With that word abort

Only traces of things were left in my memory

Like when the dr confirmed what I was afraid of

And he told me how far along I was

That’s the only fact I knew about you

And then I remember reading this little sheet

That said what a baby is like at however many weeks

And when I found out that your heart 

Had its own little beat

It took the wind from underneath my feet

And For some reason I didn’t think at all

That you might be forming up

Because you were just so small

I thought since it was such an easy process

That you weren’t really real, I guess

There will never be an excuse I can make

But i let myself be deceived by a snake

That whispered in my ear all these lies

That tomorrow would be better 

Without you in my life

That with you id be nothing

That if I kept you I could give you nothing

And I bought into it with everything I had

And I wont even attempt to say that I feel so “bad”

And baby when I thought about the things I had lost

The ability to hear you, then see you, then hold you 

and smell your little head

to every night tuck you in a bed

to raise you…all that lost

I realized it and I couldn’t bare the pain I felt

And thinking that I would now be permanently all alone

I just couldn’t do it on my own

And even though I had already asked for forgiveness

I didn’t quite grasp the depth of this

And I broke down before my God 

I couldn’t go on living that way

thinking how much I wanted and needed you with me every day

I tortured myself thinking what did I give up

Who would you have been when you grew up

and as undeserving as I was

I really needed my saviors love

And as I say this my heart weaps

But because of God I got back up on my feet

He has brought me down a crazy path

To finding myself without you 

To a place where I can live and be a testimony

To a place where I can know you do forgive me

In this place I can speak of you and be happy

In this place I am alright because I know along with god

You create my light

And I miss you angel more than you even know 

And no you didn’t have to go

It was a choice that I made

But I thank God every day

For taking a terrible mistake

And turning it around for something good

And now I finally understood.

as I remember that picture on the wall

Maybe there is a reason I wished to be there after all

Because In my life day to day, 

I picture you in paradise

On that sail boat

Sailing away

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

This site was designed with the
.com
website builder. Create your website today.
Start Now